The New Gene Award

In the words of Dave Chappelle, I'm back bitches! It's a celebration!

Today, I'd like to offer up my first "award". You'll notice that it's a "weekly" award, but due to my sometimes laziness - as shown by my two week absence - the award may go out every two or three weeks. Basically, it will be assigned whenever it's necessary.

Ladies and gentlemen, the award for "Jagoff of the Week" goes to:

House Majority Tom DeLay

(applause)

First, Tom started off the month of March with a bang, or should I say a hiss. That's the sound of the feeding tube coming out of Terry Schiavo and all the hot air that soon came out of Tom DeLay's mouth. So Tom took a private, personal family case and turned helped turn it into the catastrophe that it was. Super duper Tom. You are a marvel. The fact that you and your republican leaders then sent out a memo to your consituency telling them how this issue would help you gather support from the millions of white, southern, racist, bigoted - ahhh, but holy - rednecks, well, in the words of Dana Carvey impersonating Ross Perot, "I mean, that was just sure genius."

That alone would have won you the award. The know. You had to push the edges. And so the your month dragged on. To a point where it was revealed that you actually helped pull the plug on your dying father when he was basically brain dead - something similar to Ms. Schiavo. Naturally, you and your speech writers said that withholding food and water from Ms. Schiavo was completely different than say, withholding the electricity that kept your father alive. Sure. Whatever you say.

And that brings us to today's report. The cherry on top of the shit-sundae that is Tom DeLay.

Today, it was revealed that a $60,000 1997 trip to Russia by DeLay and four of his staff members, along with $440,000 in lobbying funds, was funded by an off-shore bank account run by Russian big business (think oil and energy; a real stretch for another Texas Republican. It's hard to think of another Texan w/power and such ties to big industry). One of those lobbyists was Jack Abramoff, who is now at the center of a federal influence-peddling and corruption probe related to his representation of Indian tribes. DeLay has claimed in the past the trip was funded by Washington-based non-profit organization.

The 1997 Moscow trip is the third foreign trip by DeLay to be scrutinized in recent weeks because of new statements by those involved that his travel was directly or indirectly financed by registered lobbyists or a foreign agent.

DeLay did try to defend himself. On March 18, he portrayed criticism of his trips and close ties to lobbyists as the product of a conspiracy to "destroy the conservative movement" by attacking its leaders, such as himself. "This is a huge, nationwide, concerted effort to destroy everything we believe in," DeLay told supporters at the Family Research Council, a group of freakishly ultra-conservative Christian zealots.

The three foreign trips at issue share common elements. The sponsor of the Moscow trip, the Capitol Hill-based National Center for Public Policy Research, also sponsored the later London trip. The center is a conservative group that solicits corporate, foundation and individual donations.

Is Tom DeLay the only politician to exemplify hubris at its worst? Doubtful. Is it a republican issue only? Hardly. But in the case of this reader, his actions deem him the strongest candidate to take home the Jagoff of the Week Award.

Coming in a close second, would be Senate Majority Leader, DOCTOR Bill Frist, who believes that tears and sweat can cause AIDS. To paraphrase Jon Stewart, that comment almost makes me cry...but then I'd have to put a condom over my head.

And a final FYI for those of you who haven't seen the news this past week. Two big stories that haven't been covered that much. 1) Sorry to report, but the Pope is dead. 2) This woman named Terry Schiavo, well she had her feeding tube removed and she also died. Too bad none of the news stations spent enough time running these stories into the ground.

Bring on the Jacko trial!!!